TLDR;
The video discusses the potential downsides of being excessively kind and helpful, highlighting how others may take advantage of this trait. It covers negative consequences such as raised expectations, the assumption of your kindness, neglected personal goals, perceived weakness, attracting users, potential addictions, and suspicion of ulterior motives. The video concludes by offering four strategies to prevent others from taking advantage of you: listening to your emotions, learning to say no, prioritizing personal time, and avoiding energy vampires.
- Overly kind people often face high expectations and may be taken advantage of.
- Setting boundaries and prioritizing self-care are essential to avoid burnout and maintain well-being.
- Recognizing and avoiding "energy vampires" can protect one's emotional and mental health.
High Expectations [0:56]
Being overly kind often leads to high expectations from others, with the assumption that you will always be there to help. This can lead to disappointment when others don't reciprocate in the same way. Stoicism advises against placing expectations on things beyond your control, suggesting that giving without expecting anything in return prevents disappointment and protects your peace. Constantly helping others with the secret hope of reciprocation can lead to unhappiness.
Kindness as a Default [1:30]
People may start to see your kindness as a default, something they are entitled to rather than grateful for. They may perceive it as your duty rather than an act of goodwill. When you eventually tire and stop fulfilling their expectations, they may accuse you of changing, failing to recognize that their perception of your kindness had become distorted.
Neglecting Personal Goals [1:44]
People tend to become creatures of habit, and if you consistently provide assistance, they will become dependent on it. They will cease to make efforts on their own, knowing that you will always be there to help. Gradually, their responsibilities will shift onto your shoulders, causing you to neglect your own life and goals. Stoicism emphasizes the importance of balance, even in kindness, because neglecting self-worth leads to a lack of respect from others.
Disappearing Goals [2:13]
When you are constantly focused on the needs of others, it becomes easy to forget your own dreams and aspirations. In the process of helping everyone else, you start to ignore the inner voice that urges you to live for yourself as well. Stoics advise focusing on self-improvement before trying to improve the world, because giving from a place of emptiness is merely a facade.
Perceived Weakness [2:45]
The world often perceives those who always say "yes" as weak. The moment you assert yourself and say "no," you might be labeled as arrogant. However, setting boundaries is not a sign of weakness but of self-respect. Stoics believe that mastering self-control is equivalent to conquering the world. If you constantly agree to everything, people will begin to see your respect as a free service.
Attracting Users [3:10]
When you give too much, your energy levels decrease, and you operate at a lower vibration. This lower vibration tends to attract needy individuals who are only interested in taking from you until you are completely drained. Remember that not everyone values your heart; some only see your availability.
Potential Addictions [3:30]
When individuals feel empty, they may turn to addictions to fill the void, such as alcohol, gaming, social media, or toxic relationships. Stoics have said that those who cannot control their minds become slaves to something else. Therefore, do not be angry when a true friend tells you that you have changed; they may be warning you before you fall.
Suspicion of Ulterior Motives [3:54]
Genuine kindness is rare in the world, so when someone is truly kind, others often suspect hidden motives. Some may mistake your kindness for deceit, while others may see it as weakness. Stoics advise doing good because it is the right thing to do, not because of what others might think.
Listen to Your Emotions [4:21]
If helping someone makes you feel tired, irritated, or angry, it is a sign that you have crossed your boundaries. Stoic philosophy suggests that your feelings are your true guide. Do not ignore the fatigue you feel; it is your body telling you to live for yourself as well.
Learn to Say No [4:40]
The word "no" is a weapon, and only strong individuals can use it effectively. Stand in front of a mirror and tell yourself that saying "no" is not selfishness but self-respect. A person who always says "yes" will eventually break from the inside out.
Prioritize Personal Time [4:55]
Taking "me time" is not selfish; it is a necessity. It is a time to connect with your inner self, read a book, listen to music, or simply sit in silence. This time is inviolable. If someone calls you during this time, calmly say that you are unavailable because that time is sacred to you.
Avoid Energy Vampires [5:12]
Some people stay around you only because they need your energy. They constantly dump their complaints, troubles, and negativity on you. Stoics say that it is not your job to save everyone. Distance yourself from them because if you keep trying to save someone who does not want to save themselves, you will eventually drown.
Balance [5:32]
Stoic wisdom dictates that balance is essential in everything. Giving too little will make you seem selfish, while giving too much will cause you to lose yourself. Therefore, choose a middle path where your kindness and self-respect are preserved. If you are ever unsure of what to do, remember the word "no," because sometimes the kindest thing you can do is protect yourself.
